When My Small Self Wants to Do Big Things (But Only God Can)

I’ve always been bothered by the idea of smallness.

I’ve heard people pray that the Lord would keep them small. I heard a song on my local Christian radio station with a chorus about dreaming small. I’ve seen dozens of people praise the notion of starting small, taking small steps, making small moves.

But something within me resists staying small.

You see, I’m a feeler. A highly sensitive person. Empathy is my #2 strength according to Strengths Finder, and all that means is that I’m quick to take everybody else’s things onto myself. The news is hard for me, because I am broken by every new tragedy, burdened by every breaking headline, crushed by the weight of all that is wrong with the world.

I want to fix everything. I want to heal all the hurt. I want to create world peace. I want every orphan to become part of a family. I want every child ripped from their parents at the border to be reunited with the ones that love them. I want every black boy to live until they are old and gray, not die young because of guns. I want our planet to be healthy and thriving, not affected by global warming, overcrowding, and pollution. I want thousands of families to open their homes to foster care and adoption. I want homelessness to end. I want joblessness to end. I want natural disasters to stop. I want abortion to cease and miscarriages to never happen and death to be gone.

I want big things.

And so something within me resists being small.

What do you mean, I can’t fix everything?

Why can’t I try to heal all the hurt?

Why can’t peace be real on earth?

I want to do big things.

And yet...