Friday Freewrite: In Your Presence, Who Am I?

If you have no idea what this whole “Friday freewrite” deal is, read this post. And then come back here, and read on. If you want, you can even join in, too. Happy Friday!

Would I have been one of them? When You were before the high priest and his elders and other teachers of religious law, when false witnesses and slanderers were telling fabricated tales against You, would I have been one of them? Would I have been one among that crowd, a voice adding to the noise? Would I have slipped into that coursing current of judgment and pride, afraid to be the singular voice defending You? Even Peter, one who knew You well and spent years by your side and had heard You speak and seen Your heart, even he denied you. Would I have, too? Do I now? Do I hide in a society full of voices trying to find evidence to condemn You? Do I cry "guilty!" like all the rest? Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers... 

In the presence of You, Majesty, what do I do? At times, I say silent, ashamed, knowing my sin was what held you to that cross even when not a single trace of evidence was found to condemn You to that end. At times, I yell out against You, wanting to put the blame on You, the pain on You, anything to try to justify myself. And at times, I, like Peter, break down and weep, knowing I am broken, knowing I haven't been the follower of You I so desperately long to be, knowing I've denied You when I should have been bold and proclaimed Your truth and Your name. You are I AM. We will see the Son of Man seated in the place of power at God's right hand. You are holy, set apart, perfect, innocent, glorious, Savior. In the presence of all You are, I fall short, ashamed, unworthy, full of sin and shame. I've denied You, Jesus, I've turned away. Yet in the beauty of all You are, You make me whole, You make me clean, You take it all away because that price has been paid. My sin was what drove those nails, what took Your life. Your love was what redeemed me, saved me, set me free. My life is for Your glory, flawed and fragile as I am. May I take up my own cross, sacrificing all just to follow where You lead me, from earth into eternity.